Enlighten Me – Love Journey
By Unicia R. Buster
They say the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. Sometimes. When made to matters of the heart, that pill is not only hard to swallow, it chokes. Some time ago, I embarked on a journey into love. I wanted to know its definition and its power – especially over me.
I asked several ex-lovers and male friends of interest what was their first and last impressions of me. I got some very interesting answers. Some guys, to whom I thought I mattered and made a big difference or impression in their lives, showed me that I made very little difference. Some even saw me as a wake-up call to what they didn’t want in a mate. And then there were those to whom I thought I was insignificant and mattered very little. They claimed that meeting me not only made difference but had a positive impact on their lives.
I thought I knew Me very well. After all, I’ve lived with Me all of my life. But it takes courage to step away from the mirror and accept what others have to say about me. I see that now. In the back of my mind, I knew people thought negatively about me sometimes. It happens. I also knew that people thought positively about me sometimes. What I didn’t know – what I didn’t expect – was what people, specifically men, had to say. The defensive part of me automatically didn’t agree. My first thoughts were “that’s not who I am” and “they didn’t really know me at all.” But I have to wonder if there’s any truth to a first impression ‑ and a last one. After all, if that’s the vibe they felt, then certainly I must have projected it.
When ancient people made human personifications into gods, they must have realized that we all exhibit all of those characteristics at some point in our lives – quiet, adventurous, temperamental, loving, hateful, humble, conceded, courageous, afraid, nurturing, etc. This love journey has shown me that I have displayed several of these characteristics and many more. It also has in some instances made me smile and made me cry inside. I am not who I thought I was, and, yet, I am everything that I imagined myself to be.
Since, I was on the topic of love, I thought it beneficial to ask some for their definition of love and to describe the moment they knew they were in love. The definitions have been really good. The moments for each of them were very special. Sadly – or maybe not – those moments were not with me.
The journey continues…