Happy Fathers’ Day to all of the wonderful dads out there! Father’s Day has never been a particularly celebrated holiday for me because of my absentee father. Unfortunately, it is now the same for my son as he has an absentee father. I wish it was not that way, especially because I feel every child should have both parents in their lives.
I’ve heard debates about whether people should wish the single mothers a Happy Fathers’ Day. Every year, I wish my mother (as well as the men who have been in my life) a Happy Fathers’ Day. Not because I think she is my dad but because she’s always said she served both roles. As an adult and a single parent myself, I don’t necessarily agree with the view point. I do not see myself as a father. I am not a man and can not hope to give my son that first hand experience that only a man can give, particularly by a son’s birth father.
Sure, I can read books and observe men. I can tell my son the things he may be experiencing as he goes through puberty and begin to develop sexual interests. And I can teach him how to understand the constant fluctuating changes. But it would be like me teaching someone how to put on a jock strap or how to put on a bra if I’ve never put one on myself. Yes, it can be done, but it would not be the same as it would coming from someone who’s experienced it first hand.
The difference between men and women (besides physical body parts which can be altered) is the ratio of estrogen to testosterone. And since I have very low levels of testosterone, I certainly will never know what it feels like to be a man or to experience first hand how to be man.
And I don’t want to. I do the best that I can with my son but I will always be just his mother. The woman who carried him for 9 months, gave birth to him, nurtures him, protects him, and cares for him as only a woman can.
And the father figure in his life is just an absentee father. Unfortunately, that is what he will learn from his father – how to be absent. It was my poor choice in a man in which my child suffers the consequence. But hopefully, I can persuade him to do better as a parent by my example; and other men in his life, like his uncle, can also show him the qualities and experiences of being a man.
As for today’s Afro, I was cleaning the bathroom mirror for this foamy drippy Afro.